My Life as I can Live it

Jumbled Rants of a Woman Who Simply Lives

(no subject)
Screamin mad
How much of a godsdamn stupid bastard does Tim have to be? Honestly this surgery has brought out the STUPID in him. and I'm talking MAJOR STUPID!! He keeps blaming shit on me. Like for instance I made sure that my foot surgery was on the 4th. I kept saying it was on the 4th and what does he do instead of checking the calendar? ASSUME it's a frickin Thurs!!!! Now he want to bring in another queen sized bed into this rinky-dink apt  into the living room because he thinks that a futon is terrible to sleep on >.<!!!
Now today, 24 hours before my surgery, he tells me that he's bringing his friend Shawn and then adds we'll be using his car instead (because it's a 4door).
Mother fucker reneged on getting another car because now he wants a house, which he has no  SAVINGS LEFT BECAUSE THE DUMBASS GOT ANOTHER CC!!
*sigh* this relationship is nothing. No sex for almost a year, in constant limbo. he has no spiritual side, no goals, no ambitions. Perhaps I should start packing instead of just cleaning the house...


Docors doctors everywhere
So a few weeks back I went to my health center (I don't say doctors because they have a revolving door) for a check up on what to do next and to make sure they keep refilling my diclofenac. So after the nurse they sent in a doc in train :D! I enjoy talking to them- they're still eager to help. So I talked with him and the poor boy took down like 4 pages of notes. So he asked if there was anything else I wanted. SO I told him to see a dermatologist because i keep getting new dots and being latina your not as obvious about skin cancer issues as say a lighter skinned person. So he nodded and agreed and then he asked if there was something else. After a time I said.
"I want to know if it's possible for a breast reduction of some sort. My spine hurt and even at my best that area  has always been extremely tender. These things are highly uncomfortable"

Amazingly when the actual doc came in he agreed! On all points. I go in for a procedure that tests my nervous system called an EMG.
Gotta call the dermatologist & the surgeon for appointments, but I just bought a scale..
I weigh 219.3

I did WHAT?!?!
Yuup. Monday morning I was getting ready for a friend to come over and take a look at a drawing of a tattoo I had in mind. I didn't expect her to pack her gear to do this at my house.
So I bit the bullet so to speak. After preping up the area and got the drawing down, she asked me several times if I was sure about this. I kept telling her yes I was. and we will see how much I could handle.
Whelp- I couldn't handle it when my face was turned, so after 2 jumps, she suggested that I look at the gun while she was working. Amazingly that worked I became entranced at the needle sinking into my skin that the pain seemed to be far away!
So for the past 3 days I've been tending to my tattoo, mystified that it's there. It's not finishd yet tho- my skin spazzed out and wouldn't take the ink anymore. So after this is healed it's back under the gun for blending and the words to be inked in..

Favorite phrases through the work..
(have large yarn bal in hand) "That your stress ball?"
Hell yeah, grippy and chewable.
 I am so surprised your not crying now.... You are a trooper!
*shrugs, gripping the yarn, rubbing the texture, listening with 1 earphone to my music*
And now were done with lining.
Let's COLOR IT!!
You're bleeding..
Don't tell me that!!
*Grabs a bag of jerkey*

Are you in pain?
No- I'm hungry!
Don't make me laugh I need to concentrate!

Damn dreams Intruptis!!!
Some bastard last night infiltrated my dreams. And that isn't the worst of it, they used the form of ex when we first met! And worse there was an energy connection.
He kept following me throughout my dream, even in a different car, as I was trying to exist in my dream. Behind him (veryvery far behind him) was a pissed off wifey the bone woman. Not saying a word, just following this male trying to get cuddly with me and trying to aviod it. Whoever it was wasn't listening to "You've made your mistake, you even admitted it to your mother- now go lay in it" repetitions. Whoever it was wanted something from me he desperatly didn't have.
Thank gods I woke up to Tim's kiss.

(no subject)
Bang Ur gone!

Same said friend from last entry.
Well we had found out that VAMPS was coming to the West Coast and since she's such a Hyde Fan she wanted to go. So as she was disussing on how to make sure Ian didn't come (yeah that's right- a Maestas). I said "why don't we make it my birthday present? That way it'd be girls only" However I kept reminding her that I wouldn't be able to support financially the trip. Which she replied that she woud take care of it all. That was in may: the concert was in June 19th.
Well a month goes around and I'm getting antsy cuz she hasn't saved any money and she wanted to rent a car as well as the hotel and what not. She was also to be coming with me to the gym with me to help her get ready for the strenuous workout of walking  in Seattle being that she has had surgery on both knees (and is 250+lbs).  She didn't ; as a matter of fact she wanted to walk the treadmill, which threw me off cuz she already knew and which I told her when we started that since the bike wasn't good on her knees that she needed to be on the elipticals.
Well she decided that she was going to use all of one check. and then she realized that she still needed to pays bill so she decided to cash out her stock which was to get her away from Ian in the first place. She damaged her knees on the treadmill so she exercised only about two weeks out of the whole two months, and her check wasn't as large as she had hoped (or she was only using the $400 she cashed out on stock).
I'd say I foresaw that tragic bullshit on her end, but I'd be burned at the stake :P

I could only eat bland take out burger drive through, I barely got the cookies that Tim requested of me (because she couldn't walk and talk about selfish: I had told her I was asking Tim to take me to the Aquarium and what does she decide the next day?- Let's go to the Aquarium!) Lets' just say at  the end of the morning she was bitching saying that if she lost 100 lbs she would keep up with me- I told her I was 217. She mistakes being skinny for stamina, I was pretty proud of  myself my heel barely hurt and my tendon didn't swell and we were out and about for two hours. Dosen't mean that I can work yet, I still hate and distrust people I don't know. They get my hackles up big time- I'm working on it though I've only mauled seven people this week. I'm thinking I must have some S.A.D or something; I'm not sad just angry.
Anyway I was the one driving the whole time, which relaxed her but pissed me off cuz she was giving me direction and she had no clue, so I ignored her. She called me bitchy, I would've been calling her worse - nonexistant.
At the end of it all I missed Tim something Terrible. We would have gone out for thai food and I could have gotten some good spicy food with tofu (yummy!) and gone to the chinatown district, and hitting Daiso's for the newest stuff and really goiong to the aquarium and at the end of the evening either going out by ourselves or hanging out with his siblings. I mean I was absolutely bored and lonely. I felt I was looking after a 90 year old lady who thought she was still in her 30's.

The VAMPS concert was fantastic, the bassist was so tall! I shook my head cuz the kids up front didn't understand Hyde when He was trying to talk to the crowd. He used the proper term for a Killer whale which was "Orca" and no body got it to the point where her had to make the motion of a whale, In which I wanted to break out in "Baby Beluga of the deep blue sea!" I also wanted to hollar, cuz it was true, was "damnit Hyde stop flashing me with your guitar! It's burning my retinas!" It kept catching the light and I was right in the correct spot. Music was good though I really wanted to get out of my seat and dance,  they were recording and I didn't want to become the fat chick in an orange tank top shaking it like like I was a size 3 when I'm a size 20. I got hip bumpers that would smak a skinny chick right off her legs.
okay enough of my quips.
To be continued?
Tags: , ,

Editing, writing... drives me crazy...
Screamin mad
A friend of mind was really energetic about her dream.  So energetic she didn't want to continue one story I was helping her on and immedeatly wanted 2 start another one. And she only got 2 hours sleep for it.
So she hands me my flash driv and says "Write!write!"
Only when I open it up there's so many typos and sporatic sententcing and bad grammar, missing words. lines of thought not making any sense. I couldn't write. My mental state screamed for it to be fixed. However as I've spent three days trying to find energy to continue editing, I can't seem to be equally entralled in this story. It really hasn't grabbed me, even when I read the stuff I'vve corrected so far. It's like the energy she wrote it down was all sporatic and as i've fixed it; I've basicaly killed it. I'm not even 1/2 done. I know she's going to ask me about it this morning too.

(no subject)

Your result for The Chakra Test...

The Enlightened One

You have scored 100% Spirituality - Your dominant Chakra is the "Crown or Violet Chakra"

The "Crown or Violet Chakra" is where our spiritual and inspirational energy comes from. It is located at the top of the head. And this is the chakra most developed in you at this time.

You are wise for you age and are one with the world. You understand the world around you and are quite aware of your relationship to it and it to you.

Depending on your percentage score, there is always more room for development. When this chakra is under-active, one's thinking can be quite rigid and lacks a spiritual awareness. If over-active and out of balance with your other chakras, you may be prone to intellectualizing things too much. You can easily become addicted to spirituality and thus ignore your bodily and emotional needs.

What is most important is to find balance amongst all 7 chakras. Have a look at what percentages you scored on the others and work to increase their power and balance with each other.

Root Chakra: 35% Passion, Sacral(Spleen) Chakra: 71% Desire, Solar Plexus (Navel) Chakra: 41% Purpose, Heart Chakra: 0% Balance, Throat Chakra: 50% Expression, Third Eye Chakra: 18% Imagination and Crown Chakra: 100% Spirituality!



"Crown Chakra" Key Words: Knowingness, Wisdom, Inspiration, Awareness, Higher Self, Meditation, Self Sacrificing, Visionary

"Crown Chakra"Attributes: Color - Violet Sense - Beyond sensory Element - Space Seat - Liberation, All Power, Eternal Bliss




If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback!

Take The Chakra Test at HelloQuizzy

Gossiping while running w/ scissors; How dangerous!
Screamin mad
Oh, while I simmer, I've been allowed *wicked grin* to reveal some new dirt that has me pleased (which means I'm simmering down not up).
This person gave me permission after being told from someone, whom Brandy (trever's wify) told them; that She along with the other two Maestas brothers (that would be Shawn and Ian) that they were nothing but white trailer trash because they " couldn't pay all there bills".

Well turns out lil miss wifey has been sleeping around, with the roomate, 4 times before said roomate left and got his life back together and drop her like so much garbage. The Man of the house has forgiven her on the grounds that she had a "Misscarriage" of said roomates baby.
Come on now.   We know what that really means in "Loose woman talk" right. For those with no  clue it begins with "A". It's amazing that's she's had several of these "misscarriages" when sleeping around with other women's men, or just when she's about to leave said man, and yet seems to produce two healthy babies with no problems when they are her husband's kids (at least she hopes so).

So all I can do is giggle with glee, praise Karma and hope that it will shine on me and those I love with financial blessings.
I could really use it.
Like right now.

Gods BLAST it All!
I just got back from being mentally evaluated by the state and what should I find but a notice that my lease is almost over and that I can sign for an 8mth ans the cost of 655 a month,  when I'm payiong 615 RIGHT NOW! What the hell?! I'm almost paying for a 2 br apt when I am paying for 1!
I moven in here in like early 07 and it's driving me a damn wall! cut me some friggin  slack! I can't even Work, Let alone find a job. And I don't have the cash to move! totally pisses me off; I feel like I'm insane. Or the world is turned into a bunch of greedy whiny assholes.

(no subject)




ahh memories.


Log in

No account? Create an account